


The Words He Didn't Say

by ShinataSureki



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Fear of Death, Love, M/M, Realization, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinataSureki/pseuds/ShinataSureki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya is freezing to death in the snow as he ponders a certain ex-bartender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regret

 

It's cold.

It feels like his heart is slowly stopping. Heh. Maybe it is. He can barely tell anymore. He can't feel his knife in his hand. His coat is flimsy against the biting snow all around him. There's something cold and wet falling down his face. It could be snow, or maybe he's crying. After all, he can't feel the heat on his face.

The sky before him looks blank; it's a white abyss. He closes his eyes and all he can see is the one who abandoned him, the one he abandoned. What would it have felt like to grasp that vest, to twirl his hair? What would it have smelled like to fall sleep next to him, to bury his face in his shirt? What would it have tasted like to kiss him, to breathe in his scent? What would it have been like to watch him cook, to watch him do anything at all and be happy? What would it have sounded like to hear his breath so close to his ears, to hear him say _'I love you, Izaya.'_?

He whispers the words to himself as he thinks them. He can hear someones voice. It's somewhere between a laugh and a cry. Someone's sobbing. His eyes are blurry when he opens them. Despite being numb, there's a rosy feeling in cheeks and jaw. He's definitely crying.

There's a heavy feeling in his chest. It's like a numbness that isn't physical. It's dark and fuzzy and it isn't cool or warm. It's spreads out to his arms and legs. It's fear. It's such a human thing to do, being afraid in this kind of situation. That's right, he's only human and it's his human instincts making him afraid of death.

_Shizu-chan._ He thinks as his mind starts to become muddled. His vision is going dark. _Did you leave me out here instead of killing me because in some corner of your mind you wanted me to live?_

There's a glimpse of color in his vision. It looks like pale gold and black. He can barely make out something that looks like a concerned face and looming figure. The figure's moving closer to him, taking up his entire view. He can hear snow crunching, he thinks there's hands beneath him. It feels like he's hanging in the air now.

He doesn't know if he's smiling through his tears, doesn't know if he can even move his lips in this state, but he's hoping he is. As his entire vision goes black and all his movements are stilling, he tries,

_“I love you, Shizu-chan.”_

 

 


	2. Realization

He's irritated.

As Shizuo stands in the white landscape, he looks at the sky. There's snow dusting his hair and falling on his face, melting as it lands. He shoves his hands in his pockets and frowns. Izaya isn't anywhere in sight. There aren't any footprints around except Shizuo's own. Had he actually killed him? Shizuo furrows his eyebrows. Izaya doesn't give up that easy; there's a reason he calls him flea. Is he still laying in the snow or is he wandering around aimlessly, lost?

Well, he deserved it. It's Izaya's fault that Shizuo got angry. It's Izaya's fault that his scared face stopped Shizuo from killing him. It's Izaya's fault that Shizuo gave up playing their game of cat and mouse. It's Izaya's fault that he's probably freezing to death. Shizuo's mind slows to a blank. The crunching of snow echoes as he quickens the footsteps he never noticed he started taking.

An image of Izaya trying to find his way forms in his head. A scene plays where Izaya falls through ice into bitter-cold water. Thoughts of Izaya and his possible death swarm Shizuo's mind, only to be interrupted when he spots a black mound on the ground.

He bolts toward the shape.

He looks down at Izaya, who's face is red and wet. His eyes are nearly closed and his lips are losing color. Shizuo crouches and lifts him up, the entire situation feeling surreal. It's as though nothing else exists besides him, Izaya, and the feeling building itself up inside him.

He's silent as the young man in his arms smiles and rasps out a whisper he almost doesn't hear, a whisper of words that makes his heart skip a beat.

“I love you, Shizu-chan.”

Izaya's eyes close as Shizuo's fill with tears. He holds Izaya as close to his body as he can, trying to warm him. The flea never gives up easy and neither does he.

He runs. He has to run because anything less would ensure Izaya's death. He doesn't know exactly where to go but if he keeps going in one direction he'll eventually find something, right? And that something or someone will help, right? And then Izaya won't die and Shizuo can tell him he's an idiot, right? There's so much he wants to tell him, so much he wants to do with him, Shizuo realizes.

He wants to hold him against his chest and enjoy each other's company because their lives are so full of noise that peaceful silence would be nice once in a while. He wants to smell that stupid smell of his because he would miss it if it's gone. He wants to taste his lips because he needs a taste that isn't cigarettes to fill his mouth. He wants to watch the expression on Izaya's face when he comes home to dinner because he knows Izaya can't cook. He wants to hear him say _“I love you, Shizu-chan.”_ again because hearing it right now hurts too much.

No, Izaya can't die now and he isn't going to as long as Shizuo has anything to do with it; and Shizuo will _always_ have something to do with it.

As he hopefully nears something he softly breathes,

_“I love you, Izaya, so don't die on me.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got around to writing it! I kept looking at this fanfic and thinking "Man, I'm never gonna write a second chapter, am I?". Then I sat down on my lunch break at work and asked myself a simple question: "How would Shi-chan react in this situation?". It was a lot easier when I asked myself that. I did a bunch of research and decided that they must be somewhere in the mountains of Japan, but I wasn't too sure which ones or how to say that in the story. Now that I think about it, I really like how this came out.  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as the first one!

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very spur of the moment fanfic. I tried writing something where one of them dies but I had to leave it open ended. I just can't kill them. Also, I kind of want to do a chapter from Shizuo's point of view.   
> Enjoy~!


End file.
